The One Thing I Had Left
by sussiekitten
Summary: AU - Eragon has never lived a very happy life. But the day he fell for his brother was the day his life ended. The day his brother showed off his girlfriend was the day Eragon decided to properly die. Rated for; Attempted Suicide, Implied Incest & Slash
1. The One Thing I Had Left

**Disclaimer:** Do you see me holding up a sign saying "Chrissy P"? No. Meaning me no own the characters. Also, I don't own the plot. That was graciously given to me by **3rdDeath**. I've just twisted and turned it around to fit me more. Hehe. Also, the title is borrowed and tweaked a bit from the great song called _The One Thing I Have Left_. For those who have read my previous works, you might recognise this. :sweatdrop:

Also, I do not own the lyrics that Eragon uses here later on. They belong to Sum 41, and are taken from the song called _Pieces_. I strongly recommend that you listen to it. It's beautiful and breathtaking… but don't listen to it while reading this chapter! You **will** cry! XD

**Warning:** Talk of and attempt of suicide, and rated thereafter. Also incestuous feelings. Meaning romantic feeling between family members, here brothers. Lastly, angsty Eragon. We never see much of him, so he certainly deserved to be in the warning XD

**A/N** This fic is dedicated to **3rdDeath**. May his arrival back to the fanfiction world be quick. :lol: But back to business. :wink:

**EDIT!** I'm just checking in to say that I changed a small age error. Thanks to **death by storm** for pointing it out to me. Eragon's 17 here, soon turning 18. Hope there's no other confusion. If so, ask me!

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**The Beginning**

**The One Thing I Had Left**

A brown haired teen ran inside his room, unlit and dank, and slammed the door behind him. Shivers had taken control of his body. He tried to make it stop, but his body wouldn't obey. The brunet flung himself onto his bed, shoulders heaving as he unsuccessfully tried to at least calm his mind. He was unable to manage to do anything that night.

Eragon was used to be viewed as a child, as someone younger by those around him, even though he was turning eighteen soon. He was also used to being unacknowledged, or not talked to directly. People had with referring to him as _Murtagh's brother_ or _Tag's baby brother_. He had never been just _Eragon_ to anyone.

No, that was wrong. Arya, his only friend in the whole world, saw him as Eragon, not his brother's unfortunate sibling. It was probably the reason Eragon hadn't pushed her away yet.

And yet… there was something Eragon could never tell Arya. He feared he might loose his only friend. That he might loose his only reason for hauling himself to school Monday through Friday. And that reason, the thing he could never tell her, was the reason he was reduced to a shivering mess on his bed.

The day had proceeded as it normally did. Eragon had met up with Arya, a girl a year his senior with short black hair and sparkling emerald eyes, and had proceeded to keep himself at the school bench. Hadn't it been for that he was able to see Arya during the windows between classes, he was sure he would have left a long time ago. They ate lunch together, him constantly being talked to as _Murtagh's baby bro_ and had walked home with Arya by his side. Eragon had then been fully prepared to go through the next stage of his normal day; saying hello to his mother Selena and his brother Murtagh. Then eat dinner, retreat to his room and sleep. He didn't even get to the dinner part of the day before it fell around his ears.

Murtagh had been seated in the living room when Eragon had entered. Murtagh, turning twenty in just a month, was the epitome of beauty in many people's eyes. Where Eragon's hair was messy and light brown Murtagh's was slightly curly and dark brown, almost black. Eragon's eyes, which he had inherited from the father that had left them sixteen years ago, were deep and dark brown. Murtagh's were hazel with a slight tint of green around the irises. Eragon was tan, lanky and a little short for his age. Murtagh was anything but. The older was tall and pale, and had a body many would die for. What hurt Eragon the most, was that he would die for it too.

The brunet had given up denying the truth to himself long ago. It didn't sooth the pain however. Somehow, without even realising it himself, Eragon had done the most stupid thing in the world. He had fallen for Murtagh. He had fallen in love with his own brother.

Eragon flinched, lying in his own dark thoughts in his equally dark room. He would hear the chatter coming from the other end of the house. Selena laughed heartily and Murtagh's deep voice ringed in Eragon's ears. The reason he was in his room, the reason he feared to go outside, was the reason he hated himself so.

Murtagh was going on a date. That had been the first thing his brother had said to him as Eragon had walked inside the house. Murtagh had looked so happy then, and Eragon's heart had shattered. The brunet couldn't remember if he had smiled or scowled, but he had only said hello to Selena and walked calmly to his room. Of course, the calm was ruined as he had slammed the door and was now clutching a pillow to his face. Thankfully it seemed that the others hadn't heard him. Eragon would have died if they had.

Eragon breath hitched as he tried to keep himself from crying. Lately his pain had been relatively small because Murtagh hadn't been dating anyone for almost a year. But when someone was like Murtagh, of course they would start dating again. And it hurt Eragon to the very core. Somewhere, probably in the back of his mind, the brunet had hoped his feelings weren't in vain, that Murtagh loved him back. But of course he didn't. Who could ever love someone like Eragon?

The doorbell rang and Eragon finally managed to get the last shiver under control.

"Eragon dear, come out and meet Murtagh's friend!"

Eragon winced. The bed creaked as he got out. His clothes had become wrinkly by now. He straightened them half-heartedly. Then the brunet sighed and got out of the room. Soft laughter and happy voices echoed from the living room. Eragon felt sick and out of place. He had no business inside that room, and yet it was there he was heading. He stepped over the threshold.

"Ah, there you are Eragon." Selena said warmly. "Meet Nasuada."

Eragon felt another knife enter his heart. A pretty young woman stood up and held out her hand.

"Hello Eragon, it's nice to finally meet you." Nasuada said with a bright grin. "Murtagh can't seem to stop talking about you."

Another stab to his heart. Eragon simply tried to smile back and shook her hand. He could see why Murtagh liked her; delicate dark skin and silky black hair. Deep brown eyes that one could loose themselves in and a smile that radiated kindness. She seemed genuinely happy.

"Nice to meet you too Nasuada." Eragon responded in kind.

"Come and sit down with us." Selena said and made place for her youngest son by her side.

"I can't mom." Eragon said then.

The brunette was startled. Murtagh looked away from Nasuada, who had been speaking, and frowned. Eragon gulped mentally and sent an easy smile. How fake it felt.

"I have tons of homework I need to do. Sorry."

"Oh, I see." Selena said softly. "Well, what's there to do?"

Eragon nodded absently even though it hadn't been an actual question. Murtagh looked suspicious however. Eragon just shrugged and walked out.

"Sorry I couldn't stick around Nasuada. It was nice meeting you." Eragon added as he came to the doorway.

The dark haired girl looked at him and smiled.

"Thanks the same Eragon. I hope to meet you again soon." She said.

Eragon just nodded. He exited the room completely and walked as slowly as he could back to his own room. There he closed the door softly before putting on some random music. As the speakers filled with tunes Eragon fell onto the floor. His breath was hitching and pains were coursing through his system.

Of course Murtagh was straight. Of course he had a girlfriend. Of course he could never like Eragon that way. Eragon screamed silently and felt the tears finally fall.

The chatting continued on in the living room. The sounds were muted, but still reached him. Every laugh was a stab in his heart. Eragon just tried to burry himself deeper into the bed, into himself, and just forget the world around him. He was rewarded for his patience when he heard his mother say her goodbyes to the couple and the door shut.

The brunet sat up. He rubbed tiredly at his face. The tears had dried on his cheeks, but he didn't care. More important stuff existed in the world. Eragon got off the bed and lay down on his stomach, a hand starting to fumble after something underneath the bed. A small cry of triumph left him when his hand came in contact with the box he had been searching for. He heard his mother's footsteps then. Cursing mentally, Eragon jumped up and sat silently down in front of his messy desk, a hand already starting to flip through the pages of a random school book.

Selena entered.

"There you are." She said. "I'm going out for a minute. In all the excitement I seem to have forgotten to buy groceries."

Eragon turned around. The brunette smiled at her son. Eragon tried to answer with one of his own. Smiling seemed wrong to him lately.

"I won't be long!"

Eragon watched her go. He listened as she rustled around in the kitchen before she finally left. Eragon sighed. Now he could finally get to business.

Then the phone rang.

"Hello?" Eragon answered automatically.

"_Hey you."_

Arya. Eragon sighed to himself. He wouldn't be getting off the phone for a long time.

"What's up?" He asked and sat down.

"_Nothing much."_ Arya replied. _"It's just that… I'm worried about you Eragon."_

Eragon flinched. He hoped Arya hadn't noticed his dark mood of late. It seemed Arya was sharper than he gave her credit for. Or he was just a really bad actor. Eragon believed the latter more.

"Worried, why?"

"_You've been rather quiet lately."_ Arya said after a short pause.

"I'm always quiet Arya," Eragon said, trying to be cheerful and knowing he was failing.

"_You know what I mean."_ Arya said sternly. _"Is something wrong? You know you can talk to me."_

"Of course. But there's nothing wrong, really." Eragon lied quietly.

There was nothing he could talk to Arya about anyway. He didn't want to push away his only friend, not now.

"_Bull._" Arya said flatly. "_You just won't tell me what's wrong. Why Eragon? I can help you._"

No one could help, so Eragon had told himself time and time again. No one could, and no one was going to get the chance to.

"Really Arya, I'm -"

"_Finish that sentence with _fine_ and I'll come over and kick your arse._"

Eragon fell silent. He sighed quietly.

"_Eragon, please._" Arya begged softly.

"What can I say Arya? I-" The brunet paused. "There's so much going on and I don't know what to do anymore."

"_If you don't open up I can't help you! Please, please don't pull away now._" The dark haired girl said mournfully.

"I can't… I can't tell you Arya. I'm sorry."

"_Era-_"

Eragon hung up before his friend could finish speaking. He shut it off before she could call him again. The house phone started to ring shrilly a few minutes later. Eragon ignored it. He stood up and walked into the hallway. He locked the outer door with a quiet click. Then he walked back into his room. He locked the door behind him, leaning onto the wood afterwards.

A soft tear leaked from his eye. Quiet sobs started to build up inside his chest, slowly making their way out of his thin body. Eragon fell to the floor, too tired from keeping it all inside. It seemed that everything that had happened had broken his wall. And Eragon hated himself for that. Oh, how he hated himself!

The brunet hugged himself as his sobs increased in volume. All the hurt seemed to be pressing against his skin, wanting to be let out all at once. And it hurt, it hurt so much!

Suddenly the ringing stopped. The house was filled with an eerie silence. Eragon heaved for breath as he tried to get back to his feet. The box was still under his bed, but peaking out from underneath the duvet now. He kneeled down and pulled it out. Then he put it up on top of his bed and opened it. The brown eyed teen dug around inside it until he finally found what he was looking for. It was an old knife, well preserved and looked after, with the initials B.S.T.

Eragon bit back another sob. It had been given to him by an old friend of his mother's. Brom S. Teller. He had died just a few years prior, in an accident of all things, and just before that he had given Eragon his most treasured pocket-knife. Eragon had looked after it ever since.

It had been his companion through many a hard episode and night. There had been a time when he had actually carried it with him. He had been so nervous that someone would discover it, but thankfully no one had. And now it seemed that he needed to seek its comfort once again.

It was then the phone started to ring again. Eragon jumped in shock. Then he remembered something else. No one, most likely Arya, had left a message despite the frequent calls. So, when he heard the machine being connected, he was actually shocked.

"**Hello, you've reached the Rider's residence. Unfortunately, no one's home at the moment. Please leave a message or number after the beep, and we'll get right back to you."** Selena's comforting voice echoed softly.

Eragon braced himself. The beep sounded and he was half tempted to open his door to hear it better. He decided not to.

"_Eragon, where are you?!"_ Arya called desperately. _"I know you're there! Please pick up!"_

The brunet bit his lip. His breath hitched as he stood once again. He hated hearing Arya sounding so helpless. And so he started to hate himself even more.

"_Please, I know something's wrong. Eragon, talk to me."_

Eragon struck the wall behind him with his fist. The sobs were building up again. He shook his head weakly. Why, why had Arya chosen that day to try to talk to him? Why not the day before, or even the next?! It would have been so much better, oh so much better.

"_Eragon, if you don't answer me in ten seconds then I'm calling your brother! I don't care where he is or what he's doing; I'm siccing his a__rse on you!"_ Arya told him loudly.

Eragon felt his breath catch. No, anything but that! It would mess up everything!! He almost made a mad dash to the phone but then thought that it wouldn't make a difference. Before he made it there it would already be too late, or Arya would demand an answer from him and **then** call his brother anyway. Either way he was screwed. So, clenching his jaw, he stayed put.

"_Oh, Eragon…"_ The girl sighed. _"I'm going to get that answer from you if it so kills me."_

Then she hung up. Eragon hit the back of his head against the wall. Stubborn tears had begun to fall again. He shook his head once more and felt determination fill him. He had something to do, and he intended to see it through.

Eragon dried away the dampness from his previous and present tears. Then he grabbed the knife again and walked over to the desk. There he sat down and wrote down a few well chosen sentences and walked over to the door, opening it and let it fall halfway shut behind him. Then he lugged over to the bathroom and let the door close behind him.

Fear was entering his heart then. Could he do it? Should he do it? Maybe he just needed to talk to someone? Surely… there was another way out of it?

But no. Eragon had thought it through. There was no other way. So, he sat down in the tub, turned on the water and rolled up the sleeves of his sweater. Then he studied his arms. Small, almost delicate scars ran along his once smooth skin. He touched a few of them. A stubborn tear leaked and fell onto a particular pink line. Eragon shook his head and flicked opened the knife. Then he slashed.

A feel of pleasure/pain attacked his senses. He hissed before slashing the other wrist. The same feelings rushed over him. The knife fell from his numbing fingers. It made a metallic sound as it hit the tub below him. Red liquid oozed from the cuts and was soon straining the rising water soft red. One tired hand turned off the water. It was freezing, but Eragon didn't care. He didn't want to care anymore.

His head started to pound. It was then it all hit him. He was actually doing it, the thought that had sneakily stayed with him week after week, every time a new line had been carved into his arm. He was actually killing himself.

Images of his family assaulted him then. Images of the father he had never known and never cared about, of his uncle and his cousin, of his mother and of Arya… of Murtagh. They were all looking down at him. And, there in the background stood Brom, gazing at him sadly. Eragon closed his eyes and felt his head start to shake. He wanted the images gone! He just wanted to sleep! He just wanted to get away from it all.

The little water that was soaking him was turning redder and redder. Eragon felt his head loll back against the edge of the bathtub. Everything was swimming now. He felt nauseous but didn't have the strength to do anything about it. The world was turning dark, and all he could do was to cry. Eragon bit his lip and felt one arm fall into the cold water, the splash wetting his chest. He felt a drop that wasn't a tear fall down his cheek, surely straining it red. But he didn't care, no, not anymore.

"I'm sorry." The brunet whispered into the empty house.

He felt the need to express himself, to say anything, whatever, just something. But no, what he left behind would speak for him.

As time passed Eragon felt almost as if a burden was being lifted from his shoulders. As if he was being cleansed, purified from the feelings he held inside. It was as if he spoke those forbidden words now, they wouldn't matter anymore. So he did.

"I love you Murtagh. Forgive me."

Eragon laughed brokenly. He didn't recognise his own voice anymore, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to open his eyes even if he tried. So, silently, he spoke his final words into the empty bathroom.

"I'm sorry mom, for not being a better son, for not being like Murtagh… for being such a disgrace to you. I'm sorry Roran, Katrina. I'm sorry for not being able to come to your wedding after all. I'm sorry Garrow, for being such a brat when I was younger." Eragon felt his breath hitch, but still he carried on. "I'm sorry Arya, for not letting you in, for not opening up more. I'm sorry for being such a lousy brother Murtagh. I'm so sorry. I hope you'll all be happy once I'm gone."

Eragon imagined he could hear the door opening, but knew it was just his imagination playing with him. If he listened closely enough, he thought he could hear Murtagh call his name. Instead he blocked out the sounds his mind was making and started to hum a familiar tune.

"This place is so… empty. My thoughts are so tempting… I don't know how it got… so bad. Sometimes it's so crazy. That nothing… can save me. But… it's the only thing that I have."

His body was starting to feel cold, oh so cold. And the cold water probably wasn't helping any. But Eragon sung on hoarsely.

"I tried to be perfect… It just wasn't worth it. Nothing could ever… be so wrong. It's hard to believe… me. It never gets easy… I guess I knew that… all… along. If you believe it's in my soul… I'd say all the words… that I know. Just to see if it… would show. That I'm trying… to let you know. That I'm better off on… my own."

Even though his eyes were closed, Eragon could see the world go black around the edges. His other hand slipped off the other edge and fell over the side of the tub. Small drops fell to the floor, barely making a sound upon impact. Eragon winced. The pain was never ending. When was it going to end? He just wanted to go… He couldn't take it anymore!

"…_agon…"_

No, the voices were returning. Eragon tried to shake them away, but the nausea only got worse. And his head had fallen forward now. His neck was starting to hurt, but he didn't care about that either.

"…_Eragon…please…"_

Eragon was tempted to shout the voices away. They seemed to echo inside his mind. He didn't want them to be there. Not now, not when he was so close to the end.

"_ERAGON?!?__ WHERE…"_

The brunet groaned softly. He was sure he had actually heard that. But that was silly. He was alone in the house. Everyone was outside enjoying themselves… without him, always without him.

"…_YOU??…"_

"Eragon, Eragon…" He said to himself.

Suddenly someone started to bang on the bathroom door. Was someone… actually there? But, oh God, his entire body was aching now. He felt sick to the core. Everything was just blurs and muted sounds.

"Good night Eragon." The brunet whispered to himself and lost consciousness.

And, just before everything turned black, he saw two wide hazel eyes and heard the fanatic call.

"ERAGON!"

* * *

Murtagh hadn't been feeling comfortable ever since stepping out of the house to go on the date with Nasuada. In fact, the entire thing had been a disaster. They hadn't been able to find the tone at all, and the evening had been spent in awkward silence or even more awkward small talk. And Murtagh didn't know why that was. But something inside of him kept telling him that something was wrong. He had a strange feeling that he should have been at home… at home with his brother.

"… Murtagh?"

"Yeah?" The dark haired male said disoriented. "I'm sorry; my mind seems to be wandering."

Nasuada smiled sadly.

"This isn't working." She stated. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."

Murtagh wanted to say no, that he was just a little preoccupied, that they could just try again later. But he couldn't find it in him to lie. Nasuada deserved better than him.

"Maybe." He said instead.

Nasuada sighed. Murtagh opened his mouth to comfort her, to say anything at all, when his phone rang.

"Yeah?"

"_Oh Murtagh, thank God I reached you!_"

Murtagh frowned. It sounded like Arya, but he had never heard her sound so worried before. And she was his brother's friend. Why was she calling him?

"Arya?" He asked hesitantly.

Nasuada stopped. She looked at him worryingly.

"_Yes, but save your questions for later!_" Arya said hurriedly. "_Quick, you have to go home! I can't get a hold of Eragon!!_"

Murtagh sighed. He racked a hand through his hair as he answered.

"I'm sure his battery's just flat."

"_He won't answer the house phone either! I think Selena's out or something. Murtagh, please!!_"

Murtagh froze. He had never heard Arya beg before. His blood was running cold.

"How long ago was this?" He asked in a hushed tone.

"_Ten minutes? I don't know! I'm just so worried._" Arya said; her breathing sounding laboured over the line.

"Why, surely everything's okay?" Murtagh asked hesitantly.

"_You don't believe that even for a second._" Arya stated. "_And if you don't get home soon, I don't know what…_"

Arya didn't have to continue. Suddenly Murtagh forgot everything else and hung up the phone. He didn't even say goodbye, to either girl, just spared Nasuada a second glance before he ran home.

Thoughts were running through his mind. He didn't know why he was feeling so panicked. Eragon had no reason to do anything stupid. He admitted that his brother had seemed rather reserved and even sad at times, but surely everything was okay? Arya was just worrying over nothing. And if Eragon didn't answer the phone it was just because he didn't want to answer Arya's calls. Maybe they had fought?

But he was still feeling panicked. It only intensified when he came closer to his house and saw Selena's car gone. He ran up to the door and rattled the doorknob. It was locked. Selena wouldn't have done that. Surely not… Eragon?

Murtagh swore. He fished out his keys and unlocked the door hurriedly. He slammed the door open and didn't care enough to close it behind him. He felt more than he saw Nasuada enter after him, breathe coming out in pants from having run all the way. He searched every room, panic only increasing.

"Eragon?" He called out.

No answer.

His brother's door was unlocked, revealing an empty room. He checked it anyway. Behind him he could hear Nasuada call for Eragon.

Everything looked to be in place. But… there was a box on the bed that Murtagh couldn't remember seeing before. And, on top of the desk there was a piece of folded paper. He picked it up.

_**T**__**o my family**_ it said in Eragon's familiar handwriting. Murtagh felt his heart stop. He tore it open and read only a couple of words. His hazel eyes were searching for proof that this wasn't what his heart was telling him… that he was holding his brother's goodbye note.

_**I'm sorry… didn't want to cause you more pain… disgrace… only in the way… say sorry to Arya and everyone else… better this way… loved someone too much… the passwords **__**to my computer… bye all…**_

"Eragon." The name slipped past his lips softly.

Murtagh felt tears pressing at his eyes. His other hand clenched itself painfully.

"**NO**!"

The older brunet stormed out of the room and ran through the entire house one more time.

"ERAGON!?! WHERE ARE YOU?? ANSWER ME!" He hollered.

Nasuada shook her head when he looked to her for confirmation. He banged his fist against the closest wall.

"**ERAGON**!!"

"I haven't checked the bathroom yet…" Nasuada supplied.

Murtagh ran the few steps down the hall and started to pound on the door. He checked the doorknob; locked.

"_ERAGON_!" He screamed.

Panic finally taking over he started to kick down the door. After a few kicks it gave away. Murtagh didn't take in the whole room at the first glance. All he saw was his brother's eyes flickering open for a quick second before closing shut.

"ERAGON!"

Murtagh dived into the room dragging his brother's slack body up of the tub and into his arms. Blood was soon staining his clothes.

"No, no. No!" He murmured.

Murtagh quickly found towels and started to apply pressures to the slit wrists. Blood still oozed, but Murtagh just continued to bind them harshly around the wrists. Tears had leaked now, falling down his face.

"Call an ambulance!" He screamed to a horror-stricken Nasuada.

The girl nodded and was quickly dialling the number and nearly shouting into the device in her hand.

Murtagh held Eragon in his hands, shaking his head back and forth as he almost saw the life pass from the smaller brunet's form. He stayed by his side until he heard sirens, and even then he didn't let go. The blood had stopped, but now he feared it was because there was none left.

A minute later he was harshly removed from his brother's side. He screamed but couldn't hear his own voice. Paramedics hurriedly took away his precious Eragon and started to ask him questions. But when they saw that Murtagh was in no shape to answer them they simply took him with them to the hospital. Murtagh could only remember Nasuada yelling that she would call Selena.

The minutes passed, but Murtagh felt nothing. Without Eragon in his arms, he felt nothing anymore. He was lead into the waiting room, but he didn't respond to anything. The world around him simply ceased to exist.

Ten minutes later Selena bursts inside the hospital. Murtagh lifted his eyes from the floor for the first time. He saw her talk with a doctor. Then he saw her break down. Murtagh slowly got to his feet and made his way over to his heartbroken mother. The instant she saw him she dived into his arms. Murtagh held her as she sobbed. Himself, he had no tears left.

Hours passed, and still they had heard nothing. They had sat down, but Murtagh couldn't find rest. Selena had stopped crying only minutes ago. She was silent as well, but Murtagh knew that inside she was asking herself what she had done. For he himself was asking the same questions. What had he done? What _hadn't_ he done?

"Ms Rider?"

Selena's eyes seemed to come alive again. Murtagh looked up as well.

A doctor who looked to be in his early forties stood in front of them. He had a frown on his face and a sad look in his dark eyes. Selena's sobs returned.

"Is he…?!"

"Your son will make full recovery Mrs Rider." The doctor, whose nametag read Dr Ajihad, informed them.

Selena held a hand in front of her mouth.

"Oh, thank God." She sobbed quietly.

"I'm sad to inform you that it is in my belief that this hasn't been your son's first suicide attempt." Doctor Ajihad told them.

"… What?" Selena whispered.

"Your son has scarring that suggests this isn't his first time cutting, if not trying to take his life. I take it you weren't aware of this fact?"

Tears started to fall from Selena's eyes again. Murtagh clenched his jaw. Eragon had tried it before? But why? Since when?!

"No!" Selena sobbed loudly.

"Would you stop upsetting my mother?" Murtagh growled.

"I'm sorry." The doctor said mournfully. "It wasn't my intent at all. But seeing as your brother is not yet eighteen, I'm alleged to tell your mother this."

"It's alright." The brunette said hiccupping softly. "Continue please."

The doctor nodded, eyes still clouded with empathy for his patient.

"It's hospital policy that your son needs to go through a psychological evaluation before he can be released. I hope you understand Ms Rider."

Selena dried her eyes before she gave a grave nod.

"He's still unconscious, but you are allowed to go and see him." Doctor Ajihad finished.

"When will he wake up?" Selena asked as she got up shakily.

"It's hard to say. But I would say within the next twenty-four hours." He answered.

Selena gave another shaky nod. The doctor silently lead them to the room before he, after gently informing them that he would be checking in later, walked away.

Murtagh was afraid to look inside the room, afraid for what he would see. Selena pushed open the door and stepped inside. Murtagh was rooted to the spot, only being able to see his mother's back disappear and hear her sit down heavily and once again break down. The brunet clenched his jaw and willed himself to go inside. He shut the door and finally looked up.

The room was stark and white, just as Murtagh had imagined. There was only a single bed inside of the room and a couple of chairs in the corner, a small table between them. A TV was latched onto the ceiling and a white cabinet stood just by the bathroom door. Murtagh forced his eyes away from the surroundings and to look to his brother's bed.

Eragon lay among the white sheets, looking far too young and small. Murtagh winced at the sickly paleness in his cheeks and the screamingly white bandages around both of his wrists. A wire was connected to his brother's chest, and the soft heartbeats echoed eerily inside the room. If Murtagh hadn't known better he could have mistaken his brother for dead.

Selena sat in a third chair by the bed, holding one of Eragon's hands and gently sobbing onto it. She kept saying prayers, but to who Murtagh didn't know for Selena wasn't a religious woman.

"Oh, Eragon." She sobbed softly into the silence.

Murtagh suddenly felt himself wake. He sat down into one of the chairs, feeling it shift under his weight and creak softly. Selena lifted her gaze. Their eyes met.

"Why don't you come and sit here with me?"

Murtagh felt a sickness rise within him.

"I'm fine here, mother." He answered.

Selena looked at him, worry in her eyes. Then she sighed and walked over to him. A gentle hand stroked his cheek just like she had done when he had been younger and had gotten hurt.

"You look tired. Maybe I should run home and find some new clothes for you?" She murmured.

Murtagh frowned. He looked down at himself and winced. His jeans were still slightly wet, no wonder he had been uncomfortable, and both his jeans and sweater had blood on them.

"I'm fine." He replied calmly.

"Nonsense. I can just run down the street and buy new clothes if you don't want me to go home." Selena said warmly.

Murtagh sighed. He had been caught. He hadn't wanted Selena to have to go pass the soiled bathroom where her son had almost killed himself. Not so soon after the fact. She might have started to clean up the mess if she had gone home. And, for some reason, Murtagh felt the need to do so himself.

"Alright, you win."

Selena nodded. She grabbed her purse and walked out of the room. Murtagh managed to stay inside the room for ten seconds without doing anything. Then the nausea returned and he fled to the bathroom, emptying his stomach for the small meal he had had mere hours before.

After rinsing his mouth he stood for a short minute and studied his still brother's form. Then he walked out of the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

**End of The Beginning**

* * *

**A/N **This story will have two endings, as per request of **3rdDeath**. One will be happy, and one will be sad. I'll reveal more about this in the next chapter. So therefore you can choose the ending you like best when the time comes.

Reviews are _always_ appreciated! They help me along, especially now that I'm sentenced back to the school bench and am not having a great time at all! Oh, and they are always heart-warming, so help me along ne? Flames however will be laughed at and used to put a flame-induced end to a dear teacher or two. :evil grin:


	2. I'd Give It All Away

**Disclaimer: **Do you see me holding up a sign saying "Chrissy P"? No. Meaning me no own the characters. Also, I don't own the plot. That was graciously given to me by **3rdDeath**. I've just twisted and turned it around to fit me more. Hehe. Also, the title is borrowed and tweaked a bit from the great song called _The One Thing I Have Left_. For those who have read my previous works, you might recognise this. :sweatdrop:

**Warning:** Talk of and attempt of suicide, and rated thereafter. Also incestuous feelings. Meaning romantic feeling between family members, here brothers. Lastly, angsty Eragon. We never see much of him, so he certainly deserved to be in the warning XD

**A/N** A really big thanks to everyone who reviewed, but my story on alert or fav'ed it. Thank you! This story is once again dedicated to **3rdDeath**.

And I just realised I never included something during the first chapter. :facepalm: Anyway, to the point. Saphira and Thorn don't exist in this story. That's why Arya is Eragon's closest friend and not Saphira.

**

* * *

**

**The Middle**

**I'd Give It All Away**

When Eragon woke the first time he could hear and feel someone prodding at him. His wrists hurt like hell and he felt sick to the core. He could only hear people talking to and about him before he lost consciousness again.

The second time he managed to stay awake a little longer. He had opened his eyes to take in a white and almost bare room. His mind quickly informed him that he was in a hospital, judging by the smell and the doctor like figure that was staring down at him.

Eragon hadn't spoken a word. The doctor had merely asked if he remembered who he was and why he was there. Eragon had only nodded. He felt far too tired to do anything else. The doctor had tried to get him to talk, but Eragon had just closed his eyes. He had been left alone shortly thereafter. And he had fallen into darkness again.

The next time he awoke a young doctor was tending to him. He checked his vitals and Eragon saw him prod the bag that seemed to be supplying him with blood. He turned to check his bandages as well, to which Eragon closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

"I know you're awake." He said then, a soft laugh in his voice. "I promise not to bite."

Eragon opened his eyes.

"I'm Orrin." He said. "Glad to see you back among the living."

Eragon frowned. Then he remembered. He had tried to kill himself. But had he actually been gone for a while?

"Yes." Orrin said with a small nod, as if he had known what he had been thinking. "The pain in your chest is from the defibrillator. We had to start you back up. You gave us quite the scare."

Eragon sighed. He considered to block him out, but knew it wouldn't work.

"You're lucky to have woken up just now. A minute earlier and your brother would have been in the room with us."

The brunet closed his eyes this time. Tears he was sure he had long since dried up were threatening to fall. Now he remembered why he had wanted to end it all.

"Don't be sad, your family doesn't hate you." Doctor Orrin said in a soothing voice.

"… Family?" Eragon asked hoarsely.

The doctor smiled crookedly.

"Yes. Your uncle and someone I believe was your cousin were here not long ago. They said that they would be back later. And someone I think was your cousin's girlfriend was here with them." Doctor Orrin chuckled. "And another girl who stressed that she was just your friend was here as well. She had quite an impressive vocabulary."

Garrow, Roran, Katrina… Murtagh and his mother, even Arya… they had all been there to visit him. Eragon felt his breathe hitch.

"Hey now, if they come back to find you crying they will think I had something to do with it." Orrin joked.

Eragon rubbed his eyes tiredly. It was then he saw them clearly for the first time; the bandages. They were crispy white still, and a little tight, but not too much. He touched them almost hesitantly.

"You aren't there first one here to have tried to end it." The doctor spoke calmly and a little gently. "But it's painful nonetheless, every time we save or don't save a life. Not because of yourself, but because of… well, just because. It takes a lot to drive someone to the edge and to know that someone is hurting just that much is never pleasant."

"Pleasant is hardly a keyword here, now is it?"

Doctor Orrin laughed merrily.

"Oh, so you can joke." He spoke amusedly. "A grave sense of humour for someone so young though."

"I'll be eighteen soon." Eragon stated hoarsely.

He found that when he had begun to talk, it was hard to stop.

"If I hadn't seen so on your chart, it would have been hard to believe." The doctor joked.

Eragon just snorted.

"Ah, your family should be back soon." Orrin said suddenly, his voice taking a slightly more professional tone.

The brunet felt his eyes widen. So soon? Couldn't he be alone for just a while longer?

"Not many fall for it, but if you don't want to see them yet you can just pretend to be asleep. Who knows, maybe you will actually fall asleep? Then you won't have to face them for real."

Doctor Orrin him a soft wink before walking out of the room. He heard him walk away. The halls were oddly silent. Eragon shifted to look at the clock. And it was no wonder it was silent. It was past three a.m. after all.

Wait, his family was checking in on him at three a.m.?! Eragon felt his eyes widen. The doctor must have been mistaken. There was simply no way. And he would have continued to believe so hadn't the doorknob rattled at that moment.

Eragon quickly closed his brown orbs, instantly pretending to be asleep. He just couldn't face them yet. But how he wished he was actually sleeping! He was sure he didn't want to hear what they had to say to each other.

* * *

Murtagh walked in last in the room he had gotten so familiar with during the last few hours. He had finally managed to change and felt much better now that he didn't smell of his brother's blood.

There weren't just him and his mother during the visit, even though everyone knew what time it was. Roran and Katrina shared a chair while Selena occupied the one beside Eragon's bed. Murtagh merely sank down into the final one. Garrow was ill, and had been so a long time, and hadn't had the strength to come so late. Roran was there in his place as well as for himself.

A silence hovered inside the room. Everyone seemed unwilling to break it. Until…

"When will his sessions start?" Katrina asked softly.

"He has to wake up first." Roran said in a low rumble.

Katrina just sighed.

"Why…"

"No, Roran, don't." Katrina begged softly.

"Why did he have to do this?!" Roran asked harshly, ignoring his fiancée's pleading.

"We've been blind to his suffering. That's why you don't know." Murtagh said emotionlessly. "That's why none of us know."

"Why didn't he just -" Roran began.

"Because he's a Rider. Riders don't ask for help easily." Selena answered before Roran could finish. "You should know Roran."

The blond male clenched his fists. Katrina leant further onto him, trying silently to comfort him.

"This isn't the place, nor is it the time. We can talk about this at home." Selena said in a finishing tone.

"Do you know when he'll be let out of here?" Katrina asked a few minutes later.

Murtagh almost wished she had stayed silent. He wanted to listen for his brother's quickening heartbeats. He wanted to know the second Eragon awoke. He needed some, any, confirmation that he was still alive.

"When they see it fit." Selena answered mournfully.

"Great." Roran muttered. "Who knows how long he'll be stuck here."

"Roran." Katrina scolded.

"But he's right I'm afraid." Selena said with a tired sigh. "I have no idea when I'll get my baby back."

"Maybe soon, maybe never." Murtagh answered darkly. "Who knows who he really is? We never paid enough attention to him, and look what happened. Hadn't it been for Arya he would have -"

Murtagh felt his voice catch. He didn't even try to finish the sentence. They didn't need for him to finish it either to understand its meaning.

"I'll thank that girl to the end of time. You too Murtagh." Selena sniffed quietly. "Without you… I would have gotten back too late to…"

Katrina stood and walked over to the fragile woman. She gathered her in her arms. Selena started to cry once again.

"Who is his psychiatrist anyway?" Roran asked with a long sigh.

"We don't know." Murtagh answered stiffly.

"Is there anything we **do** know?!" Roran asked frustratingly.

"That we are going to stand by Eragon through everything that is to come." Selena answered with a strong voice. "He has been through enough alone."

Roran glared at his aunt. Murtagh detected a hurt behind his clouded blue eyes. Roran was no sooner up on his feet and stomped out of the door. Katrina shook her head sadly before leaving without a word. Selena hugged herself, a determined look slipping onto her face.

"Roran and Eragon were always so close." The brunette murmured almost to herself. "It's no wonder he's so upset."

Murtagh looked away. On some level he had been jealous of Roran. The other had seemed closer to Eragon that he had ever gotten, and Murtagh was Eragon's _brother_! It just didn't seem fair.

"And that poor Arya. Do you think she's still out in the waiting room? Surely I sent her home? Right Murtagh?"

Murtagh sighed. He walked up to his mother and put a hand onto her shoulder, silencing her rants for a moment.

"You sent Arya home nearly six hours ago." He told her gently. "You're sleep deprived. Let's find a room for the night."

"No. We should go home. The bathroom, I need to clean it!" Selena continued to rant.

"Not at four in the morning." Murtagh said firmly. "We're staying at the hotel here. Come now, he's not likely to wake up just yet."

Murtagh felt a piece of him leave when he closed the door behind them. Selena's mumbles were unheard as he tried to forget the unmoving figure he was leaving behind.

* * *

Eragon felt himself wake up the following morning. He blearily stared at the clock across of him. It was already ten in the morning. He had slept almost six hours.

Eragon tried to sit up, and found that he finally could. He was still sore, but the nausea was fading away. He found a cup of water beside his bed and drank out of it slowly. There was little he could stomach, but it was enough.

The brunet stiffened when the door creaked open. Fearful eyes shot to the only entrance to the room. A kind looking woman stood in the doorway. And by the looks of her Eragon believed her to be the psychiatrist his doctor, though he couldn't remember which, had told him about.

"Hello Eragon, I'm Angela Vitch. Just call me Angela." The curly haired woman stepped inside and sat down beside him. "Do you know why I'm here?"

Eragon just nodded.

"The doctors have scheduled for you to meet with me thrice a week, every second day. I'm afraid we can't let you leave the hospital before we've spoken to you. Not my rules I'm afraid." Angela said kindly.

"I know." The brunet said emotionlessly.

"Good." Angela said with a smile. "Now, don't worry about your family walking in on us. We've assured that we'll be alone. Since it's your first session I'll make it brief. Don't want too bore you too much on our first meeting."

Eragon sat up in the bed. Unconsciously he crossed the arms over his chest, trying to hide the evidence of his stay from the unknown woman.

"Eragon, can you tell me why you're here?"

The brown eyed teen sighed. He had a feeling he was going to be there a long time.

"I tried to kill myself." He stated emotionlessly.

Angela nodded.

"Are you sad you didn't succeed?" She asked then.

"What sort of question is that?!" Eragon nearly shouted.

"One to catch you off guard." Angela said with a slight grin. "And I got the answer I hoped for."

Eragon frowned. What else had she expected him to answer?

"You don't have to answer me this but… do you want to tell me why you did it?" Angela asked softly.

The brunet looked away. His eyes stared emptily out of the window. He couldn't even see if it was sun or rain outside.

"That's okay. Not many want to." Angela said with a small sigh.

"It's private." Eragon said then, in almost a whisper. "I don't want anyone to know."

Angela nodded.

"Now, the million dollar question Eragon, will you ever do it again?" The curly haired woman half asked half stated.

Once again Eragon fell silent.

"I sort of made it final the last time. If I can… repair the damage… then I guess not."

Angela looked shocked that he had actually answered.

"Final like how?" She wanted to know.

"Gave them access to everything I owned… own. Nothing is private anymore, unless I get back home before they -" Eragon cut himself off.

The psychiatrist nodded.

"Or you can simply tell them not to look." She said with a soft smile.

Eragon stared down at his bedding this time. That required him having to talk to his mother… Murtagh… and he was far from ready. If he was ever going to be ready.

"I haven't talked to them yet." The brunet admitted quietly.

"I understand. You're ashamed." Angela sighed. "You have no reason to be Eragon. I'm sure they -"

"NO! That's exactly what they don't!!" Eragon screamed this time. "THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND! They _never_ did."

Angela fell silent. She gazed at him sadly. Eragon felt a sudden need to get away from those sad eyes. He hated that gaze. He wanted out!

"They can't forgive me!" He continued, shaking his head back and forth. "They never will!! Not when they learn the truth."

Eragon panted softly as he ended his triad. Angela folded her hands in her lap, her gaze never leaving the boy on the bed.

"What is the truth Eragon? Can you tell me?"

Eragon clenched his jaw. His eyes were still scratchy from his past crying, but still they seemed to want to shed more tears. He held them in stubbornly.

"No." He stated quietly.

"Not even off the record?" Angela asked, her body leaning forward ever so slightly.

Eragon just shook his head.

Angela sighed sadly.

"I'm afraid we won't get farther if you won't tell me. You're obviously deeply troubled." Angela paused. "I won't pretend I understand your pain. I won't even pretend that I have a cure. But I'm willing to listen and not be judging."

Eragon snorted. It came out broken.

"Doc, this is the one time where even you can't help from being judging." The brunet said emotionlessly.

Eragon could see the thoughts raging on inside her mind. She must have thought of him as an enigma. But that was wrong. Eragon just simply refused to open up.

"In my line of work I can't be judging. I can't throw someone out of my room just because he's fantasizing about his mother. It's what I choose to do. Whatever's troubling you, I may even have heard worse." Angela's open and honest reply came.

Eragon couldn't help but to sit and stare at the woman before him. But he still didn't answer.

After a minute of silence Angela stood up. She dusted off her pants and gave Eragon a small smile.

"Until next time then Eragon. Same time, Friday."

Eragon watched her walk the few steps over to the door. And, just as she prepared to close it, the few words slipped out of his mouth.

"I'm in love with my brother." He said quietly. "Ever had anything worse than that?"

Angela paused. For a second her face was expressionless. Then, just when the brunet thought he had lost her, Angela smiled.

"Thank you Eragon." She simply said and the door closed.

Eragon couldn't help but to shake his head. What had made him open up? He didn't like, sometimes even hated, strangers. And yet he had spilled his deepest and darkest secret to one of them.

The door opened without him even hearing it. He was deep into his thoughts that the only thing he registered was someone latching onto him and hugging him tightly.

"Oh Eragon." A very familiar and relived voice murmured. "I was so worried!"

"Arya?"

Said dark haired female let go of him and looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Where did… why would… I don't…" She tried to speak, but apparently couldn't find the words.

Eragon took her hand and smiled awkwardly. Arya seemed to finally awake from her daze.

"Eragon, what the hell was so wrong that you couldn't tell me?!" Arya asked almost harshly.

"You just answered your own question." Eragon answered quietly.

Arya frowned.

"Haven't I always told you that you can talk to me, no matter what was wrong? I won't push you away." She said softly.

Eragon looked away. Arya forced their gazes to meet again.

"No one can be totally accepting." Eragon said simply.

Arya sat down on the edge of the bed, her hands clasped in her lap.

"I can try." The dark haired girl replied.

Eragon closed his eyes, hoping that somehow that would make her disappear. He just couldn't tell her. He didn't want her to hate him, not when he knew there was no way out of the world if he did. So the brunet just shook his head in answer.

Arya sighed.

"Does anyone know?"

Her question rang inside his mind. Only a few minutes ago his answer would have been no. But…

"Yeah. My psychiatrist."

Arya smiled softly.

"Well, that's at least something." She said with another sigh. "Have you talked to anyone else?"

Eragon gulped. But then he realised… he could use the situation in his favour. So he shook his head.

"But could you do me a favour?" He asked quietly.

"Of course." Arya answered.

"Could you tell Murtagh and mom not to sneak in my stuff? I sort of didn't expect to wake up you know… that stuff is kind of private."

Arya laughed tearfully.

"I will. But don't ever make jokes like that again. Or I won't hesitate to smack you." She said as she stood up.

Eragon mutely nodded his head. He made sure to appear tired at the same time. In fact, he felt rather tired. And talking to his family was the last thing on his mind.

"Should I tell the others to come again later?" Arya asked gently.

Eragon just nodded. Arya waved once before walking out of the room. Eragon could hear her talking to someone, but already felt his consciousness slipping. He fell asleep a second later.

* * *

Two days later Eragon was able to go home. He had been forced to speak with his mother and Roran, but had somehow managed to escape speaking with Murtagh. And for that Eragon was eternally grateful. He didn't know how to face the person who, not only still held his heart but had found him bloodied and minutes away from death.

Murtagh had been forced to go to school when Selena and Garrow had helped him home. His uncle hadn't spoken or done much, mainly supporting him as Selena carried what little belongings that had been in the hospital. He hadn't been in the mood to talk to either Selena or Garrow, and Selena had sensed it and sent him to his room. But going down that hallway Eragon realised, as he could hear the muted sounds of the adults talking, had been a mistake. Somehow his feet had directed him pass his room and towards the bathroom.

Eragon stood there in silence. Then, hesitation oozing off of him, he pushed the door open. Someone had cleaned up, that much was obvious. There was a faint smell of bleach in the air still. The brunet gulped and rushed towards his room in a second. And as the door fell shut behind him; Eragon could help but to feel out of place.

Sure, everything was exactly the way he had left it. Even the note, something Eragon quickly shredded to pieces and threw away without a second glance. Then he was quick in motion to change all his passwords and whatnot.

Minutes slowly ticked away. When Eragon finished his tasks he lay down on the bed and waited for the time to pass to when he no longer could avoid Murtagh. No one had asked any questions, at least no direct questions, but Murtagh was sure to. His brother had seen his note, he had found him. Murtagh would demand answers, and Eragon was not sure he was ready to give them. Or if he even could.

A knock on the door startled Eragon. He sat up as his mother peeked inside.

"Ms Angela is here." She told him.

Eragon nodded.

"I'll just let her in here then, shall I?"

Again he nodded. Selena smiled softly and retreated.

Eragon wasn't sure why, but it had been decided that his psychiatrist would visit him at home rather than that he would go to her office. He couldn't have been her first attempted suicide patient. It was awkward to think of himself as such, but Eragon knew what he was. And he never thought he would need a psychiatrist, no matter how screwed up his life would get. But that didn't matter. He didn't know why Angela was going to have the sessions at his home, and neither did he care. He just wanted to get over with it.

Angela entered then, her light hair as mussed as always. She smiled kindly and sat down on the chair Eragon had placed out for her. On one level, he was glad they were going to talk in there, inside his own room. It was much safer than the living room, where anyone, particularly his brother, could stumble in at any time.

"Hello again Eragon."

"Hey." Eragon replied.

Angela's smile widened just a hint.

"How do you feel?" She asked softly.

"Like hell." Eragon said bluntly. "I've just gotten out of the hospital after all."

Angela laughed under her breath.

"Indeed." She commented. "Would you like to tell me more about what we talked about last time?"

Eragon cringed. He may have known the question was going to come, but that didn't mean he was prepared to answer it.

"You don't have to." Angela said kindly. "But it would be in your favour. The sooner you talk to me, the sooner you'll be rid of me."

Eragon could tell she was joking, just as she had done during their first meeting. She was odd; he had already established that in his mind. But she seemed odd in a different way. He couldn't really describe it.

"I told you all there was to it last time." Eragon settled for saying.

Angela hummed.

"Surely that's not all? You came with a rather shocking outburst. There has to be more to it."

The brunet bit his lip. He didn't want to look into Angela's staring eyes if he were to talk to her about that.

"I'm in love with him, so what? And before you ask, yes I'm sure it's **love**." Eragon said with a soft sigh. "It has torn me up inside and left me hollow. What more is there to it?"

Angela had a mysterious grin on her face. Eragon just frowned. Somehow… she looked pleased.

"What were your feelings towards your brother before this?" Angela asked instead.

Eragon opened his mouth but found that no words were coming out. He sighed and tried again.

"I've always been inferior to him, alright?" He murmured. "I've always been his _little brother_, never just me. No one but Ar… a friend of mine… see me as just Eragon. And, I guess, somewhere along the road, life decided I hadn't suffered enough and made me fall for him."

Angela smiled sadly at him.

"And it won't go away?" She asked gently.

Eragon shook his head.

"That's why you did it? Because you couldn't handle it anymore?"

Once again Eragon went silent. The silence stretched on, but the psychiatrist made no move to speak up.

"Yeah." The brown eyed teen murmured finally.

Angela sighed softly.

"We've come a long way Eragon, on just two days at that." She smiled. "But we still have a long way to go."

The brunet nodded mutely.

"You do realise you're going to be taken away from any sharp objects for a while? Just to be safe." Angela said then, a frown marring her face.

Eragon hugged himself, a small hunch forming on his back. He nodded.

Angela nodded, almost to herself, and stood. She gave Eragon a warm smile before promising to see him the following week and disappeared out of the door. Eragon fell back onto the bed in relief as she walked away.

**End of The Middle**

* * *

**A/N **Now, if anyone starts to ask me questions why Angela hasn't reported Eragon or anything... doctory/patient confidentiality. That's all I'm going to say about that matter.

Anyway... what did you guys think? And you know what this means right? Hehe. The next part is one of the two, yes **two**, endings I'll be posting. It's up to you guys which one you'll read. You can choose to read one or read them both.

As for when the next part is going to be put up... Next weekend at the earliest. Really, I'm swamped and am posting this when I should in fact be doing my homework. But since I'm in such a lousy mood I need something to lift me up. Posting a story does that a little. But do you know what would lift my spirits the most? If you guys reviewed. Please. It might even help me motivate to write more. Because... after this, I have no idea what I'll post. I have nothing done, and those who know me know I never post unless I know 100 that I can finish it.

So, please review and help me along. Again, thank you so much for liking this story. It helps me through this hard time I'm going through right now.


	3. Take My Breath, No

**Disclaimer:** Do you see me holding up a sign saying "Chrissy P"? No. Meaning me no own the characters. Also, I don't own the plot. That was graciously given to me by **3rdDeath**. I've just twisted and turned it around to fit me more. Hehe. Also, the title is borrowed and tweaked a bit from the great song called _The One Thing I Have Left_. For those who have read my previous works, you might recognise this. :sweatdrop:

**Warning:** Talk of and attempt of suicide, and rated thereafter. Also incestuous feelings. Meaning romantic feeling between family members, here brothers. Lastly, angsty Eragon. We never see much of him, so he certainly deserved to be in the warning XD

**A/N **Thanks to everyone who reviewed, fav'ed and put this story on alert. :D You've all helped me in so many ways. Once again, this story is dedicated to **3rdDeath**.

And once again reminding you that this is the **first of the two endings** that I'll be posting. Enjoy this happy version of the end!

**

* * *

**

**The End; Option One**

**Take My Breath**

Eragon had never been so nervous in his entire life. Murtagh hadn't come home to dinner, but Selena had told him that he would be back soon. And Eragon could feel his insides turning by the mere thought of it. For Eragon was finding himself too deep into something he knew he couldn't get out of.

Selena had talked to him at dinner, telling him then that they wouldn't pressure him into talking, but that she encouraged him to do so when he was ready. He could see the pain in her eyes though. She yearned for answers, answers he was nowhere ready to give, but she hadn't pressured him. And for that Eragon was glad. But Selena's eyes had also told him that he should talk to Murtagh. His absence at dinner had told the brunet the same. He knew he needed to, but he dreaded it. How could he talk to his brother after all that had happened?!

The outer door creaked softly open. Eragon felt himself stiffen as he heard his mother greet Murtagh. He couldn't hear more of their conversation, but could guess what they were saying. And it made his insides turn even more.

Slow steps travelled down the hallway. Eragon held his breath and buried himself deeper into his soft, large sweater as the footfalls came to a stop outside of his door. He clenched his eyes closed and forced himself to breathe again. Then the knock came.

"Yeah?" Eragon said hesitantly.

The door opened soundlessly. Keeping his eyes closed Eragon could only hear someone enter. The door softly clicked shut. The silence that followed seemed to stretch on forever. Then, finally… hesitant footfalls coming closer. The bed dipped softly. The brunet struggled to keep his breathing steady. Then he felt himself gathered in a warm embrace. His resolve shattered.

Eragon buried himself deeply into his brother's chest. No sound or tear came from him, but inside he was crying a river. Eragon had simply nothing left to shed.

"Kiddo."

Eragon bit his lip. He hadn't been called by that name in so many years. Murtagh really had come to talk, just as he had foreseen.

"How are you?" The gentle murmur floated into his ear.

Eragon chocked back a laugh. They were going to be there for a long time.

"Oh, you know, just fine." Eragon answered quietly.

Murtagh sighed heavily.

"I know you aren't fine Eragon, but that was not what I was hinting at." Murtagh paused. "Who do you like kiddo?"

Eragon felt the blood in his veins freeze. He had forgotten to write that, he remembered. And how much of a relieve that was! But… now he had questions to answer, questions he'd hoped he would never have to answer.

"It's not important anymore." He whispered.

"I'd say they are." Murtagh said thickly. "You went and… for them. Just for _them_. It has to still hold some importance to you."

"So what if they do?!" Eragon grumbled. "I'm over it. I'm done with them, and that's final."

"Who has hurt you so much that you'd rather swear it off than talk to them?" Murtagh asked hoarsely.

Eragon nearly opened his mouth to shout the name, but fortunately managed to keep it shut. He couldn't say it, not after all he had been through.

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable Eragon began to try to squirm his way out of his brother's arms. Murtagh only strengthened his hold. Eragon clenched his eyes shut in frustration.

"Who, Eragon?"

The dark tone sent shivers down Eragon's spine. Never could he remember having heard Murtagh sound so angry. It was almost ironic that it was himself he was angry at, without even knowing it.

"I can't…" The brunet replied finally.

Murtagh growled.

"Of course you can, you just don't want to." The older male said coldly.

Eragon desperately tried to bury himself deeper into his sweater, his mind, anything to get away from Murtagh's question. Oh, why did he have to come from a family of stubborn asses?!

"You – I, Eragon… I need to know." Murtagh said throatily. "I need to know that I won't loose you because of this."

Eragon felt his eyes begin to burn again. It was becoming too much. He needed to get away! He couldn't stand it anymore. His tries to escape doubled. But Murtagh held on just as firmly.

"LET ME GO!" The brunet screamed.

"Quiet down Eragon!" Murtagh said tightly. "Mother may have left the house, but the neighbourhood could get the wrong idea!"

Eragon felt his blood freeze yet again. He was alone in the house with Murtagh?

"Eragon, Eragon _calm down_!!"

"NO!"

Eragon managed to free his hands and started to hit every part of his brother he could reach.

"Stop. Eragon, STOP!" Murtagh nearly yelled.

"Let me go!" Eragon sobbed as his strength began to leave him. "Please. I don't want to talk about this."

"You have to someday!" Murtagh said pleadingly.

"Who died and made you my shrink?!" The brunet exclaimed in a voice caught between frustration and pain.

The older managed finally to capture Eragon's hands and held them tightly to his chest. Eragon tried and tried to get them free, but Murtagh was simply too strong. The brunet proceeded to sob in frustration.

"Kiddo." Murtagh murmured softly. "You're hurting, and I can't stand to see you in that state. Why can't you let me help you?"

"Since when did you care?" Eragon mumbled almost to himself.

Murtagh stiffened.

"I've always cared about you. Whatever made you think otherwise?" He asked lowly.

Eragon didn't answer.

"Eragon, I do care about you. Always have, and always will." Murtagh paused with a sigh. "That's why I can't let this go."

"I'm sorry Murtagh… but I can't tell you." Eragon whispered.

The hazel eyed brother sighed tiredly.

"Don't you believe me, is that why? I'd step in front of everything, anything to save you Eragon. You're my brother." Murtagh said uncharacteristically softly.

Eragon felt a blush strain his cheeks painfully. Murtagh was speaking directly into his ear. He couldn't remember the last time they had been so close.

"I believe you Murtagh. I just… I _can't_."

Murtagh's face hardened in a second. He dragged Eragon up from his hunched position. The brunet shook as Murtagh's hazel eyes glared into his own. There was barely a centimetre between their faces and, Eragon gulped, their **lips**.

They were so close now. Eragon could almost imagine himself leaning forward and touch those inviting lips with his own. But he couldn't. He couldn't risk it! And he didn't have to.

The brunet's eyes widened beyond imagination as Murtagh claimed his lips in a bruising kiss. His face was caught between growing pale and blushing even harder, making everything even more uncomfortable for Eragon. He stayed motionless, unsure and clueless to what Murtagh's motives were. But he already knew that it was safer to stay silent than to get his hopes up.

When the older pulled back Eragon sucked in a greedy breath. The kiss hadn't lasted for long, but it had stolen the breath right out of his lungs. Murtagh, who was panting softly, seemed to be avoiding his gaze.

"Tag?" Eragon breathed.

"Ah, forget it kiddo." Murtagh said quickly, firmly. "It was just a mistake."

Eragon felt his heart break. And it hurt more than he ever thought it could. Not even when he had seen Nasuada for the first time had it hurt so much!

In a desperate try, Eragon managed to finally release himself from Murtagh's hold. He was quickly onto his feet and ran out of the room, Murtagh calling his name after him. Eragon didn't care where he ran, as long as he did so. He barely managed to grab his jacket before sprinting out of the house. He didn't look back, but could clearly hear Murtagh's distressed yells. No, the brunet just continued to run.

And, as he ran, his mind awoke. Thoughts and questions began to circle inside his head. Why did his brother have to be a stubborn ass? Why did he have to act like he cared? Didn't Murtagh know that Eragon knew he didn't?! And why, oh why had Murtagh kissed him? Why did he have to call it a mistake afterwards??

Tears began to fall freely from his eyes, but the brunet didn't care anymore. His sides were beginning to sting, and his lungs screamed for a proper breath. So, when Eragon couldn't run anymore, he tripped and fell down onto the grassy ground below him. Breathing hurt, but not breathing hurt more. The crying had given him hiccups and his cheeks were icy cold with tears. And then a soft melody echoed around him.

Trying to find its source, Eragon suddenly noticed that his pocket was vibrating. Finally feeling like his breathing was somewhat under control; he flipped onto his back and dug into the deep pocket. The phone had stopped ringing by the time he got it out. Three missed calls, all from his house. Two more froze his entire being. They were from Murtagh's cell. His brother was out looking for him.

Suddenly feeling frantic, the brown eyed teen jumped to his feet and started to run all over again. But this time he ran in a different direction, one that would eventually take him home… one that would keep him away from Murtagh's sharp eye. Eventually he slowed to a quick walk. The wind was freezing mere minutes later, and Eragon zipped up the jacket. But still he felt cold. And somehow, it seemed to be coming from inside of him. Eragon smiled brokenly. Maybe his heart had crushed and let out all the iciness and wrongness that had been inside of him? Maybe that was why he was cold?

An hour later Eragon could finally see the house. It was mostly dark, but the clock wasn't much so Eragon figured Murtagh was most likely still outside. That thought stung harshly but he ignored it. Walking inside, not bothering to remove his shoes, the brunet stepped into the kitchen and began to make a short process of the drawers. Five minutes and a good search later he was no closer to finding what he was looking for. Annoyed to no end, Eragon desperately tried the cabinet under the sink. He and his brother had bluntly told their mother that they were never stepping ten feet in its general direction if they had to. Eragon wasn't sure why, it wasn't even dirty, but somehow it just seemed wrong.

And it was there he found them. A broken and relieved smile grazed Eragon's face as he pulled out the first knife he could find. It was a normal kitchen knife, but it was sharp and it would do. The teen quickly put everything back in its place and then ran out of the house again. He wasn't doing it in there, no, not again.

* * *

Murtagh was panicking. He had looked everywhere he knew Eragon would go or liked to go, but still no sign of him! He had tried to call a dozen times, but Eragon never picked up. And, after hearing the same message for the nth time, Murtagh had had it.

The older brunet angrily hit his fist into the wall, his phone clutched in the said hand. It hurt and it lifted the cloud from his mind for a blissful minute. It was then Murtagh thought of another possibility. Two hours had nearly passed, Eragon could have gone home. And with that thought, Murtagh sprinted down the road he had come. Thankfully he wasn't far from the house, but the run seemed endless. Finally he jumped over the fence and nearly kicked the door open. He was met with silence.

There were no signs Eragon had been or was at home. Murtagh cursed colourfully. He was already in enough of a mess! Why did he have to scare his brother off as well?!

The hazel eyed teen sank to the floor, a pained and angry look on his face. Why did he always have to ruin things?! Why did he always have to hurt others? Murtagh squeezed his eyes shut with a wince. He wasn't sure what had made him kiss Eragon, but he knew that the chances of his brother forgiving him were close to none. Hell, Eragon was a minor! He could be charged for rape, _incest_ even!!

"Fuck." Murtagh growled.

A headache was threatening to pop up. Nothing made sense anymore. He wanted to think everything over, but couldn't. All that was on his mind was Eragon, _Eragon_, **Eragon**, and where could he be?!?

Straightening himself up, Murtagh tried to phone Eragon one last time. He didn't even bother to put the device to his ear. But, if he listened closely enough, he thought he could hear Eragon's phone ring in answer to his. Murtagh's blood froze in that instance. He kept the phone ringing, desperately going in every direction to see which brought him closer to his brother. He found it a minute later, sitting innocently on the kitchen table.

"Damnit!"

Murtagh angrily ended the call. But then he realised something… Eragon had been there!! Murtagh searched the room quickly, trying to look for any disturbance. It was then he saw it. The door to the cabinet under the sink was slightly ajar. The phone fell from his grasp.

"No, please no." Murtagh muttered.

But he knew it was true. Eragon had found the knives. And he had no way of reaching his little brother. The world crashed to pieces around Murtagh. He let out a loud scream. A dog down the street answered his call. It almost made Murtagh laugh hysterically.

"But wait… that's Shurikan; Galby's mutt." Murtagh said to himself. "Shurikan hates Eragon!"

Murtagh was no sooner up on his feet and ran out of the house. He skidded to a halt by old Galbatorix' house. Shurikan was barking and growling in the direction towards the forest. Murtagh dimly remembered that their mother's old friend, Brom, had taken Eragon out on trips in those very same woods. Murtagh picked up his pace again and ran.

He was going to make it this time, before Eragon did something stupid. He refused to loose Eragon!

He ignored all the pain that was coursing through him, physically and mentally. His mind was set on one thing, and that was finding Eragon. He searched every nook and cranny he could find, but no trace of the brunet. Murtagh cursed inwardly and fought his way through the bushes, down towards the stream. And it was there he found him.

Murtagh stopped for a moment, somehow feeling himself wanting to take in the sight before him. Eragon was seated down by the river, just near the edge of the free-flowing water. The moon that had risen cast a glow onto his small form. Murtagh could see even from where he was standing that Eragon was shaking. But from what he couldn't tell. A flash of silver instantly captured his attention. And Murtagh wanted to scream. Eragon was carrying a knife!

"ERAGON!"

Murtagh winced. He hadn't actually meant to yell. But with the damage being done, he dive forward and towards his little brother.

Eragon had stood up hurriedly at his yell. His eyes were wide and red. Eragon had cried, and looked to just recently have stopped. His entire body was shaking. Murtagh took cautious steps forward. He didn't want to intimidate or scare his brother even more.

"Eragon… we can talk about this." He tried to say as calmly as possible, but even he could hear that his voice was shaking.

Eragon's fist clenched around the knife. Their mother's favourite, Murtagh found himself remembering. He shook his head mentally.

"What's there to talk about?" The other asked hollowly.

Murtagh winced. Eragon looked broken beyond repair. But he wasn't having any of it. He refused to give up on his most important person in the world.

"You don't have to do this. If you're going to hurt anyone, hurt me. I deserve it." The older said tightly.

Eragon looked startled. His eyes fell to the ground. Murtagh dared to take a big step forward. Then the brown orbs met his again.

"I couldn't hurt you." Eragon whispered.

Murtagh slowly stepped forward again, hands held in the air in a sign of surrender. He was willing to do whatever Eragon wanted to do, just as long as it wouldn't end with Eragon lying on the murky ground cold and not breathing.

"It's unfair really." Eragon continued with a humourless laugh. "You can hurt me all you want, and you don't even know it! And yet I cannot as much as slap your wrist in return."

Murtagh frowned, stopping his advance.

"What do you mean Eragon?" He murmured, almost a little afraid of the answer.

The hand holding the knife kept clenching and unclenching. Murtagh could see this wasn't a question Eragon wanted to answer.

"Why… why did you kiss me?" Eragon asked instead, stumbling over the words and looking just as uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got over me." Murtagh sighed.

"So… it didn't mean anything?" Eragon asked shakily.

Murtagh opened his mouth to answer, but quickly saw the fault in that. He needed to think that answer through. He didn't want to lie to his brother, be it consciously or unconsciously. So he thought.

Why had he done it? Had there been a purpose behind it, or had he simply meant to get Eragon to listen to him? There had always been something about Eragon that made him act differently that he did around anyone else. He was always aware of that Eragon was there, close by him, always. So… what had it meant?

"I… I don't know." Murtagh winced. "I don't know what it meant, but it meant _something_ Eragon."

Eragon had fallen silent. Murtagh watched for any sharp movements that might indicate that he was going to run or… or _harm_ himself. He refused to let Eragon go anywhere or do anything if he was able to prevent it.

"I love you Eragon. But you have to excuse your brother; he's growing a bit batty with his old age."

And just like that Murtagh knew he had said something wrong. Eragon didn't let out a sound and a wounded look crossed his face. The brunet's right arm was moving.

"NO!"

The next thing Murtagh was aware of was pain. He hissed but kept his hold. He had sprung forward the second he had seen Eragon's movement. His left hand was painfully clenched around the knife's blade. It dug into his palm; dark blood oozed from the wound and started to strain both of their sleeves. Eragon's wide and shocked eyes never left Murtagh's.

"I won't let you hurt yourself again Eragon. Not on my watch." He said and winced as he pushed the blade away from the path it had been going. "Let go of the knife."

Eragon's lip was trembling. Slowly and hesitantly, the hold slackened. Before Eragon could be able to think twice Murtagh had wretched the knife from his hold. And he nearly howled in pain as he did so. Murtagh's right hand took hold of the handle and pulled out the blade that had dug nearly into the bone. A scream left his throat then.

"Oh, God." Eragon groaned.

Murtagh couldn't help but to agree. Blood was oozing freely. He needed to get the wound wrapped, and that soon or it could get infected. Or he could die from blood loss. Murtagh nearly sniggered at the irony of that thought.

Before Murtagh could as much as move his left palm again Eragon had taken hold of his elbow and guided him to sit down. Murtagh did so soundlessly. Then the younger brunet proceeded to rip a long piece of the old tee he was wearing. The hazel eyed teen watched as Eragon wrapped the wound skilfully. And he then found that he'd rather not know how his brother had gotten so skilled at it.

"I'm so sorry." Eragon whispered throatily. "I didn't mean to…"

"No, but you meant to stick it in yourself. Better me than you." Murtagh interrupted.

Eragon bit his lip. Murtagh absently noticed that it was still trembling.

"Come, lets go home." He said and stood.

Eragon looked up at him, a hopeless look in his eyes.

"Oh, we'll need to talk about this. But it can wait."

Eragon nodded mutely. And so the two brothers began the silent walk home.

* * *

Eragon couldn't stop trembling. Not since spotting Murtagh and not during the walk home. A part of him felt disappointed. He had gone all that way to get away, to think. But it seemed that Murtagh was hell-bent on watching him suffer.

Their mother had been home by the time they stepped inside the house. Eragon had been prepared for Murtagh to tell Selena everything that had happened, but his brother had just said that they had been taken a walk. And Selena, who was too happy with the thought that her sons were spending time together, hadn't seen Eragon's ragged looks or Murtagh's blood palm. Granted, the older teen had hidden that behind his back the moment he had entered, but there was a hint of pain on his face. But Eragon was glad. Until he remembered what had brought them back, or rather out, in the first place.

He had mechanically walked into his room, only to come to his senses when he saw Murtagh take a detour into the bathroom. Eragon bit his lip, hesitant about what to do. He wanted to help, but he was unsure if his brother would allow him. And he didn't have to decide. Murtagh came out a second later, a first aid kit under his arm. Eragon quickly turned away and shut the door.

Eragon shut his eyes. He had never felt so disgusted in himself, not even when he found that he was in love with his brother. The brother he had hurt… had made suffer. He truly didn't deserve to live. He flung off his clothes in disgust, trying desperately to remove every piece of his brother from his person. Eragon then quickly changed and curled up on his bed, hidden beneath the covers. He felt physically sick, sick to the very bone.

Someone knocked on his door then. And the brunet just knew it was Murtagh. Murtagh entered though Eragon didn't answer. He felt the bed dip as his brother sat down beside him. A hand was gently laid on top of his head. And for a moment Eragon hesitated. Had it actually been Selena that had come?

"Kiddo."

But no, he had been right the first time.

"We need to talk." Murtagh murmured.

Eragon didn't answer.

"Eragon, you need to let me in. I only want to help you. I may have been a shitty brother, but I'm trying to make up for it here." Murtagh said, only raising his voice a small notch.

"Eragon." Murtagh insisted when the other didn't answer.

"Why do you care so much?" Eragon whispered. "It's not like you've done so before."

"That's not -" Murtagh cut himself off before he tried again. "I'm sorry if it seemed that way Eragon. I care about you, I always have. It's just that I've inherited dad's asshole attitude I guess. Hardly an excuse, but it's the truth."

Eragon sniffed quietly. There were no tears in his eyes, but somehow he still sniffed.

"Hey…" Murtagh sighed. "I can't say I'm sorry enough alright. But you've damned well scared the crap out of me two times already. I swear I've lost ten, if not more years of my life because of it. Can you blame me for not knowing how to fucking act?"

The brunet bit his lip harshly.

"I blame myself every fucking day, for not seeing that you were suffering. I hate myself alright! What more do you want me to say!?"

Eragon sat up harshly. Murtagh's hand fell away, but the look on his face didn't fade.

"Don't." Eragon whispered. "Don't hate yourself."

"Too late for that!" Murtagh spat. "I do, _so_ much."

Eragon shook his head meekly.

"How can I not?! Nothing I ever do is enough. No, not for everyone else, but for **you** Eragon. You don't talk to me anymore, not that you did so before all this. And you avoid me. How can I not hate myself if I cause you pain!?!"

Every word was like a stab to his heart. The brown eyed teen continued to shake his head, desperate to get his point across. His voice had already left him. But Murtagh just continued to rant, and it was tearing Eragon apart. So he did the only thing that seemed logical.

He kissed him.

The silence was immediate. Eragon clenched his eyes shut, unwilling to stare into Murtagh's probably horrified face. The lips were just as he had remembered them, soft and just a tiny bit chilled. But perfect nonetheless, as their owner always was.

Reluctantly Eragon pulled away, almost terrified of what he had done. What had he been thinking?! But whatever he was about to curse to himself was stilled just then. Eragon was only able to register a hand pulling his head forward by the neck before he felt them again. Murtagh's lips. It was happening again, and Eragon wasn't sure if he was thrilled or terrified. Murtagh was _kissing_ him again!

Murtagh pulled away moments later. Eragon could feel himself shaking. What was going to happen now?

"Eragon, open your eyes." Murtagh murmured softly.

Wordlessly the brunet complied. Murtagh was staring right at him, an unusually soft smile on his face.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Murtagh asked.

Eragon wanted to open his mouth and spill, he really did, but no words would come. Instead he continued to shake. He was simply too confused, too scared. He didn't understand what was going on! When had Fate dragged the carpet from under his feet and pushed him into the Twilight Zone?!

"No? It doesn't matter; I have something I need to tell you anyway." The older paused, and Eragon could see that he too, deep down, was as scared as him. "I meant it back then Eragon, when I first said it. I love you."

The brunet stayed silent. He knew that Murtagh cared for him. But he didn't understand what that had to do with everything.

"No, you don't understand kiddo." Murtagh said softly. "I _love_ you, as in I'm **in love** with you."

Eragon felt his eyes widen. Now he was sure he was in a parallel world. There was no way, _no way_ that Murtagh loved him back. He must be dreaming, if he wasn't already dead.

Murtagh chuckled.

"You really don't get it do you?" He shook his head. "Listen up, kiddo. I'm. In. Love. With. You. Eragon. You, and only you."

Eragon shook his head meekly. It couldn't be! His brother, the ever perfect Murtagh couldn't be in love with him!! It just didn't make sense, it didn't fit!

"You know that I don't lie, Eragon. I cannot lie, especially not to you." The hazel eyed teen said.

"But you… you can't." Eragon uttered quietly.

"So, it does speak!" Murtagh laughed. "But I can Eragon, and I do. I may not have realised it until you nearly… but now I know. And I do."

Eragon tried to stutter out a reply, a sentence, anything… but nothing came to mind.

"Just tell me Eragon, who am I loosing too? Who holds your heart so closely that you'd rather risk oblivion than to tell them?"

Eragon found that, once confronted with the truth, he couldn't utter a single comprehensible sentence.

"I… you… I, I can't… how… I don't…"

"Eragon." The name was spoken in such a way that Eragon couldn't do anything else than to fall silent.

"Just tell me a name." Murtagh pled. "So that I can move on."

The brunet felt his throat catch. It was actually happening. What he had dreamt to happen was actually playing out in front of him. And he couldn't speak a single word!

"I… you." Eragon cleared his throat and tried again. "You."

Murtagh frowned.

"Me what?" He asked.

"You. It's you." Eragon croaked. "Don't make me say it again."

Silence consumed the room. Then, laughter.

Eragon was confused. What was Murtagh laughing about?

"Oh, aren't we a pair of blind idiots?"

Eragon just continued to frown. Murtagh's laughter eventually died down. And as it did so, Eragon found himself pulled into a strong embrace. For the first time in ages the brunet felt a blush rise in his cheeks and welcomed it. Murtagh's scent and breath on his neck was making the hairs rise in his neck.

"Thank you Eragon. Thank you." Murtagh murmured.

"I…" Eragon swallowed. "Why?"

"Thank you for loving me like I do you. I loved you kiddo." Murtagh said with a bright grin.

The smile was lost in Eragon's neck, but he saw it anyway. Timidly Eragon heard himself reply.

"I love you too Tag."

* * *

To the teens' unawareness the door to the room closed with a barely audible click. A warm smile stretched across the woman's face. She had raised a dysfunctional family, but they were a family nonetheless.

So Selena left her sons to clean and clear up whatever was on their minds. She was going to be there later when they decided to land back on planet Earth. She might not have been the typical mother, but she was not going to abandon her children. They were all she had left, and damned those who dared get in their way. Selena loved her children with all her heart, no matter which road they decided to take.

**End of The End; Option One**

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**A/N** So, what did you guys think?

Oh, and before I get any comments on the Selena part, this is how I see her. She loves her sons way too much to care about who they love or need. She almost did loose one of them here after all, and aren't willing or want to stand in their way. No flaming for this, because I won't even bat an eye at it.

I hope you guys enjoyed it! As said above, this is the happy ending. I will be posting the second version next weekend. And you can all guess which version that is. Hehe.

Also, would you be so kind and review? You all know how much of a sucker I am for them! XD And seriously, they motivate me to continue writing. Because I can't see what else is going to keep me sane. Oh, and before I forget... I'll announce my next story in the next ending, so even if you can't bear to read it, please read the **A/N **that comes with it! I'll write it in the top one, so you don't even have to skim to the bottom. :puppydog eyes:

But, last but not least, please review!


	4. Can't Take Who I Am

**Disclaimer:** Do you see me holding up a sign saying "Chrissy P"? No. Meaning me no own the characters. Also, I don't own the plot. That was graciously given to me by **3rdDeath**. I've just twisted and turned it around to fit me more. Hehe. Also, the title is borrowed and tweaked a bit from the great song called _The One Thing I Have Left_. For those who have read my previous works, you might recognise this. :sweatdrop:

**Warning: **Talk of and attempt of suicide, and rated thereafter. Also incestuous feelings. Meaning romantic feeling between family members, here brothers. Lastly, angsty Eragon. We never see much of him, so he certainly deserved to be in the warning XD

**A/N **A special greeting to those who want to know what SK will be posting next. Sadly, I have yet again nothing finished. I know, I know, I promised to tell you here what was up for posting next, and it doesn't look like I'm delivering. But! Yes, there is more. I have two, if not three stories that I'm close to completing. The earliest I will have the time to post one of these fics, if I even finish one :cough: is one or two weeks from now. I really hope I will have something done and post-worthy by then.

But enough about that, on with the fic! I hope you enjoy and don't kill me after reading it. :sweatdrop: As always, this is dedicated to **3rdDeath** for giving me this plot to play with. And thanks to everyone who reviewed, faved or put this story on alert. And an extra thanks to those who read this.

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**The End****; Option Two**

**Can't Take Who I Am**

Eragon had never been so nervous in his entire life. Murtagh hadn't come home to dinner, but Selena had told him that he would be back soon. And Eragon could feel his insides turning by the mere thought. For Eragon was finding himself too deep into something he knew he couldn't get out of.

Selena had talked to him at dinner, telling him then that they wouldn't pressure him into talking, but that she encouraged him to do so when he was ready. He could see the pain in her eyes though. She yearned for answers, answers he was nowhere ready to give, but she hadn't pressured him. And for that Eragon was glad. But Selena's eyes had also told him that he should talk to Murtagh. His absence at dinner had told the brunet the same. He knew he needed to, but he dreaded it. How could he talk to his brother after all that had happened?!

The outer door creaked softly open. Eragon felt himself stiffen as he heard his mother greet Murtagh. He couldn't hear more of their conversation, but could guess what they were saying. And it made his insides turn even more.

Slow steps travelled down the hallway. Eragon held his breath and buried himself deeper into his soft, large sweater as the footfalls came to a stop outside of his door. He clenched his eyes closed and forced himself to breathe again. Then the knock came.

"Yeah?" Eragon said hesitantly.

The door opened soundlessly. Keeping his eyes closed Eragon could only hear someone enter. The door softly clicked shut. The silence that followed seemed to stretch on forever. Then, finally… hesitant footfalls coming closer. The bed dipped softly. The brunet struggled to keep his breathing steady. Then he felt himself gathered in a warm embrace. His resolve shattered.

Eragon buried himself deeply into his brother's chest. No sound or tear came from him, but inside he was crying a river. Eragon had simply nothing left to shed.

"Kiddo."

Eragon bit his lip. He hadn't been called by that name in so many years. Murtagh really had come to talk, just as he had foreseen.

"How are you?" The gentle murmur floated into his ear.

Eragon chocked back a laugh. They were going to be there for a long time.

"Fine." Eragon answered quietly.

Murtagh sighed heavily.

"I know you aren't fine Eragon, but that was not what I was hinting at." Murtagh paused. "Who do you like kiddo?"

Eragon felt the blood in his veins freeze. He had forgotten to write that, he remembered. And how much of a relieve that was! But… now he had questions to answer, questions he'd hoped he would never have to answer.

"It's not important anymore." He whispered.

"I'd say they are." Murtagh said thickly. "You went and… for them. Just for _them_. It has to still hold some importance to you."

"So what if they do?!" Eragon grumbled. "I'm over it. I'm done with them, and that's final."

"Who has hurt you so much that you'd rather swear it off than talk to them?" Murtagh asked hoarsely.

Eragon nearly opened his mouth to shout the name, but fortunately managed to keep it shut. He couldn't say it, not after all he had been through.

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable Eragon began to try to squirm his way out of his brother's arms. Murtagh only strengthened his hold. Eragon clenched his eyes shut in frustration.

"Who, Eragon?"

The dark tone sent shivers down Eragon's spine. Never could he remember having heard Murtagh sound so angry. It was almost ironic that it was himself he was angry at, without even knowing it.

"I can't…" The brunet replied finally.

Murtagh growled.

"Of course you can, you just don't want to." The older male said coldly.

Eragon desperately tried to bury himself deeper into his sweater, his mind, anything to get away from Murtagh's question. Oh, why did he have to come from a family of stubborn asses?!

"You – I, Eragon… I need to know." Murtagh said throatily. "I need to know that I won't loose you because of this."

Eragon felt his eyes begin to burn again. It was becoming too much. He needed to get away! He couldn't stand it anymore. His tries to escape doubled. But Murtagh held on just as firmly.

"LET ME GO!" The brunet screamed.

"Quiet down Eragon! We -" Murtagh said tightly, and an almost punch to the jaw cut him off from whatever he had been about to say.

But no matter how much he twisted, kicked or turned, he wasn't getting away. Eragon could feel the panic rising even more.

"Eragon, Eragon _calm down_!!"

"NO!"

Eragon managed to free his hands and started to hit every part of his brother he could reach.

"Stop. Eragon, STOP!" Murtagh nearly yelled.

"Let me go!" Eragon sobbed as he still continued to hit his brother. "Please. I don't want to talk about this."

"You have to someday!" Murtagh said loudly.

"Who died and made you my shrink?!" The brunet exclaimed in a voice caught between frustration and pain.

The older managed finally to capture Eragon's hands and held them tightly to his chest. Eragon tried and tried to get them free, but Murtagh was simply too strong. The brunet proceeded to sob in frustration.

"Kiddo." Murtagh murmured softly. "You're hurting, and I can't stand to see you in that state. Why can't you let me help you?"

"Since when did you care?" Eragon nearly screamed.

Murtagh stiffened.

"I've always cared about you. Whatever made you think otherwise?" He asked almost grimly.

Eragon didn't answer.

"Eragon, I do care about you. Always have, and always will." Murtagh paused with a sigh. "That's why I can't let this go."

"Murtagh, I… I can't tell you." Eragon whispered.

The hazel eyed brother sighed tiredly.

"Don't you believe me, is that why? I'd step in front of everything, anything to save you Eragon. You're my brother." Murtagh said uncharacteristically softly.

Eragon felt a blush strain his cheeks painfully. Murtagh was speaking directly into his ear. He couldn't remember the last time they had been so close. But it didn't matter.

"I just… I _can't_ Murtagh."

Murtagh's face hardened in a second. He dragged Eragon up from his hunched position. The brunet shook as Murtagh's hazel eyes glared into his own. There was barely a centimetre between their faces and, Eragon gulped, their **lips**. But that centimetre didn't stay for long.

The brunet's eyes widened beyond imagination as Murtagh claimed his lips in a bruising kiss. His face was caught between growing pale and blushing even harder, making everything even more uncomfortable for Eragon. He stayed motionless, unsure and clueless to what Murtagh's motives were. But he already knew that it was safer to stay silent than to get his hopes up.

When the older pulled back Eragon sucked in a greedy breath. The kiss hadn't lasted for long, but it had stolen the breath right out of his lungs. Murtagh, who was panting softly, seemed to be avoiding his gaze.

That thought hurt him. Murtagh had to be mortified. So Eragon didn't wait for another opportunity. In a desperate try, Eragon managed to finally release himself from Murtagh's hold and quickly ran out of the room. Murtagh called his name after him, but the brunet ignored it. Eragon didn't care where he ran, as long as he did so. He was so confused he didn't even grab a jacket. He didn't look back, but could clearly hear Murtagh's distressed yells. No, the brunet just continued to run.

And, as he ran, his mind awoke. Thoughts and questions began to circle inside his head. Why did his brother have to be so stubborn? Why did he have to act like he cared? Didn't Murtagh know that Eragon knew he didn't?! And why, oh why had Murtagh kissed him?? Why?!?

Tears began to fall freely from his eyes, but the brunet didn't care anymore. His sides were beginning to sting, and his lungs screamed for a proper breath. So, when Eragon couldn't run anymore, he tripped and fell down onto the grassy ground below him. Breathing hurt, but not breathing hurt more. The crying had given him hiccups and his cheeks were icy cold with tears. Nothing mattered anymore.

Eragon slowly got to his feet. Everything was hurting. Nothing even made sense. But one thing was for sure. He needed to get home, even if that was where Murtagh would be waiting for him. He felt cold to the bone, and maybe because he had forgotten to bring a jacket but a part of Eragon doubted it. Maybe his heart was so crushed that it had let out all the iciness and wrongness that had been inside of him? Maybe that was the real reason he was so cold?

But it didn't matter. He needed to get home. And, if he was lucky, Murtagh would be out looking for him, making it possible for him to slip inside and lock himself in.

A half hour later Eragon could finally see the house. It was mostly dark, but the clock wasn't much so Eragon figured Murtagh was most likely out looking for him. Walking inside, not bothering to remove his shoes, he quickly ran into his room. The brunet exited a few minutes later and then stepped into the kitchen. He began to make a short process of the drawers, hurryingly looking for the object he needed. He had a plan now, and he was planning on seeing it through.

Five minutes and a good search later he was no closer to finding what he was looking for. Annoyed to no end, Eragon desperately tried the cabinet under the sink. He and his brother had bluntly told their mother that they were never stepping ten feet in its general direction if they had to. Eragon wasn't sure why, it wasn't even dirty, but somehow it just seemed wrong.

And it was there he found them. A broken and relieved smile grazed Eragon's face as he pulled out the first knife he could find. It was a normal kitchen knife, but it was sharp and it would do. The teen quickly put everything back in its place and then ran out of the house again. He wasn't doing it in there, no, not again.

He stood; ready to get going when he heard it, his name. His name spoken in such a manner it could only be one person.

"Eragon."

Murtagh had come home.

* * *

Murtagh was panicking. He had looked everywhere he knew Eragon would go or liked to go, but still no sign of him! He had tried to call a dozen times, but Eragon never picked up. And, after hearing the same message for the nth time, Murtagh had had it.

The older brunet angrily hit his fist into the wall, his phone clutched in the said hand. It hurt and it lifted the cloud from his mind for a blissful minute. It was then Murtagh thought of another possibility. One and a half hour had passed, Eragon could have gone home. And with that thought, Murtagh sprinted down the road he had come. Thankfully he wasn't far from the house, but the run seemed endless. Finally he jumped over the fence and nearly kicked the door open. He was met with silence.

Murtagh was about to punch the wall, scream, do anything, when he heard it. A soft scuffling. And it was coming from the kitchen. Unable to wait anymore, he walked as quietly as he could to the doorway and peeked inside. And there he was, Eragon. And to Murtagh's rapidly building horror he was holding a long and sharp kitchen knife.

"Eragon."

The brunet stiffened. Slowly he turned around.

The first thing that hit Murtagh was the redness of Eragon's eyes. Then it was the red cheeks and fingers. Eragon had actually left without his jacket, the idiot.

"Eragon." Murtagh repeated gently. "Put down the knife."

Eragon's grip around the handle tightened. His hand was shaking now, both of them were. Murtagh gulped.

"Eragon, please." Murtagh begged. "Whatever's going on, we can talk about it."

"I'm tired of talking Murtagh." Eragon murmured. "Please, just go."

"No. I'm not leaving until I know what's going on!"

Eragon bit his lip.

"Why do you have to know everything? You can't help me this time around Murtagh. Please just… just leave."

Murtagh shook his head stubbornly. No way in hell was he leaving him. He knew what Eragon was going to do then. And he wasn't going to allow that to happen. He was not going to loose his most precious person.

"I can't Eragon. You're my brother. I'm not going to stand back and let you -" Murtagh cut himself off.

He couldn't even say it, let alone think it.

"I can't go on Tag. I _can't_." Eragon said tearfully. "It's just too much."

"No. You can, and you will." Murtagh stressed. "I won't loose you!"

The younger sobbed once, softly.

"We can't all get what we want." The brown eyed teen murmured.

Eragon then lifted the knife. Murtagh ran forward but before he could even reach his little brother the knife had hit its target. Eragon screamed.

Murtagh felt his knees shake, and he could do little else than to catch Eragon as he fell to the floor. Blood slowly began to appear, then more surely. The first drop hit the floor as Murtagh screamed.

"No, no… NO!"

Eragon coughed, a small spray of blood leaving his mouth. Murtagh continued to shake his head, murmuring the word _no_ like a prayer. As if, if he said it enough what was happening before his eyes would disappear, wouldn't happen… wouldn't be true. If he just held on long enough Eragon wouldn't be dying from a knife stabbed to the chest.

"Why Eragon, why?" Murtagh sobbed.

He could feel the tears rising, falling, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

"I told you Murtagh, it became too much." Eragon whispered.

Blood was straining him again. For the first time in his life Murtagh could feel the red liquid cling to his clothes, to his skin.

"Kiddo." The word was uttered brokenly. "Don't. Don't die, please. I can't live without you."

And Murtagh was telling the truth. He didn't know when, and he didn't know where… but somewhere down the line he had fallen in love with his brother. He had chosen to ignore it, and now he couldn't help but to regret that with all his might.

"Sorry Tag, looks like you're going to have to." Eragon coughed.

Murtagh shook his head.

"I love you, you damned fool." Murtagh growled. "You can't do this to me!!"

"Even if you really did Tag, it's too late."

Tears fell onto Eragon's face, but the brunet didn't even seem to be registering them. it was probably due to the tears his own eyes were leaking.

"I love you too Murtagh, I really do… And I'm sorry." Eragon's eyes were beginning to close.

"Don't you dare to die!!! Don't you…"

Eragon just winced and coughed.

"Don't die until you say you believe me… and mean it." Murtagh sobbed. "I love you damnit."

He realised he had lost the battle. He was loosing his baby brother, the one person he had sworn to protect with his life. The one that was dying in his arms.

Eragon opened his eyes then. Their eyes remained locked for a short second. Then Eragon smiled.

"I believe you." He whispered. "G'night."

And then he stilled.

"NO!!! _ERAGON_!!"

Murtagh's scream echoed inside the small house. His head fell to rest on top of Eragon's. His shoulders shook as he continued to sob his heart out. His one love, the only one he had ever really cared for apart from his mother… was dead. Gone. Never to wake up again. Murtagh screamed again.

There he stayed until he could no longer cry. His tears were gone, but his heart still cried. It had shattered beyond repair. Murtagh dragged a hand roughly over his eyes. Then he gazed down at the still form in his arms. With a shaking hand he properly closed the brown unseeing eyes.

"G'night Eragon."

Murtagh lay Eragon down on the floor, careful on how he laid him. Then he harshly yanked the knife out of Eragon's chest. A soft sob left him. If Murtagh hadn't know better, he could almost had sworn Eragon was sleeping. He kissed the soft brow one last time before standing straight. He gazed at his brother one more time before marching out of the room. He marched into his own bedroom, grabbed a small jar that had been standing beside his bed for the past few days and marched into Eragon's room.

It was oddly quiet inside of it. Too quiet. As if it too was morning the loss of Eragon. And there, on top of Eragon's bed lay another note. Murtagh picked it up, but he didn't need to read it to know what it said. A soft drop of water hit the paper then and Murtagh smirked painfully. Seemed he still had one more tear to shed.

A few minutes later and there were two notes clutched in his hand. The jar was thrown aside as Murtagh shakily began to leave the room. He entered the kitchen just as his vision was starting to get blurry. He fell to the floor just beside Eragon.

And as he drew his last breath, Murtagh's hand was gently cradling Eragon's.

* * *

Several days later a woman in her early forties stood in a graveyard. A double tombstone stood before her, the earth before it still brown and new. Her back was straight and her brown hair whipped around her face as the wind played with it.

A sad smile entered her face as she laid down two roses, one for each name. Tears were silently falling down her face, but she had gotten used to it now. Ever since she had gotten home to find the police at her doorstep bearing the news of her sons' demise.

Selena took a shaky breath. Suicide. She had lost both of her children to suicide. But she had understood once she had read their goodbyes. She just wished it had ended differently. Both of her children had been hurting, and yet she hadn't seen it, not in time. And so that hurt and sadness had taken them both away from her.

Selena laughed brokenly as she couldn't help but to smile. They would never know, but somehow she had known. She had known what had been going on with them, but she had only realised it later. It had been as clear as the day, but she herself had been unable to see exactly what it had been.

Love. Both of her children had loved each other. And that love had hurt them both and taken them to their end.

"Boys, I hope you are happy up in heaven." Selena whispered. "And I hope that you finally get your chance to be together."

Then Selena brushed away a tear that had been about to fall. With a last glance she turned around and began to walk home. And with only the wind as a witness, the stone read:

_Eragon Rider & Murtagh Rider_

_Beloved son__s and friends_

_You __are loved and will forever be missed. We hope you both are happy up in heaven with your loved one._

**End of The End, Option Two **

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* * *

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**A/N** That's it! The end. The final ending of this story. Please don't kill me. :ducks away from sharp flying objects:

As I've said the entire time, this is just an optional ending. One of a million other ways this fic could have ended. You can just forget this one and continue to live happily with the previous one. And as you may have noticed, this chapter started the same way the other did. But if you look closely enough, you'll notice a few tiny changes. Such as how much time goes by and Eragon's reactions.

Also, it was so hard to write this chapter, so I'd appreciate not to get any angry comments or flames because of it. No matter how much it pained me to write this, this is a fic for a dear friend of mine, and I always deliver. Flames will also be ignored. Writing this will no doubt have helped me grow, and later I will be able to write something simular, but maybe without crying so much. Heh.

Thanks again to those who read this. It means a lot. And I hope you review, even if it's to tell at me for making you cry so much. But hey! They kind of got a happy ending right? I mean, up in heaven:sweatdrop:

Anyway. Thanks for sticking with this fic. I hope to see you all again soon:waves:


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